i have to face facts and this year just has been another shit year for me. life keeps bombarding my deviant life style leaving me rather “normal”. i have spent the last few days deciding if i am going to stop the blog and i am still undecided. my writing has definitely suffered with the stresses i have had to face. yet, i am still finding the time to be up to no good every weekend possible.

the hardest part in all of this is missing a muse. there may be someone but that has been put on hold until i work out my latest disaster.

i appreciate the people in my life that are keeping me sane. i am very focused on having a much better 2010 and if anything a better rest of this year.

if you need a “fix” follow me on twitter (twitter.com/darkgracie). i do my best to keep the filth coming almost daily.

oh porn you are always there when i am in need and this week you did not fail me. when i need that visual stimulant of rough and raunchy sex, it’s always there at the click of a mouse. you never stop me from touching myself nor even coming over and over again. the sounds the sights and i can not complain. now if only porn could fuck me and i don’t think i would ever leave the house. i guess that would be bad.

i leave you with a song stuck in my head and i really didn’t realize how raunchy it was till i actually read the lyrics. i tend to only listen to the instruments and melodies when enjoying music and the lyrics always come last. that is the best way i can explain how i listen to music.

–

Should of been, could of been
Would of been dead
If I didnt get the message
Goin to my head
I am what I am
Most motherfuckers
Dont give a damn
Aw baby think you can
Be my girl, Ill be your man

Come-on full of fun
Do me till Im well done
Little bo peep
Cumin from my stan gun
Beware… take care
Most motherfuckers
Have a cold ass stare
Aw baby please be there
Suck my kiss cut me my share

Hit me you cant hurt me
Suck my kiss
Kiss me please pervert me
Stick with this
Is she talking dirty
Give to me sweet sacred bliss
Your mouth was made to suck my kiss

Look at me cant you see
All I really want to be
Is free from a world
That hurts me
I need relief
Do you want me girl
To be your thief
Aw baby just for you
Id steal anything that you want me to

K – I – s – s – I – n – g
Chicka chicka dee
Do me like a banshee
Low brow is how
Swimming in the sound
Of bow wow wow
Aw baby do me now
Do me here I do allow

Hit me you cant hurt me
Suck my kiss
Kiss me please pervert me
Stick with this
Is she talking dirty
Give to me sweet sacred bliss
Your mouth was made to…

Should of been, could of been
Would of been dead
If I didnt get the message
Goin to my head
I am what I am
Most motherfuckers
Dont give a damn
Aw baby think you can
Be my girl, Ill be your man

Come-on full of fun
Do me till Im well done
Little bo peep
Cumin from my stan gun
Beware… take care
Most motherfuckers
Have a cold ass stare
Aw baby please be there
Suck my kiss cut me my share

Hit me you cant hurt me
Suck my kiss
Kiss me please pervert me
Stick with this
Is she talking dirty
Give to me sweet sacred bliss
Your mouth was made to suck my kiss

Red Hot Chili Peppers
Suck My Kiss

he had emailed me that he wanted me to spend my lunch on the phone with him. i pondered this for a few minutes only because it has been so long since we last talked. i wondered if his voice was going to make me want to come as it had so very many times in the past. i needed something to break up this week and i emailed him back with “ok” and my number since i was sure it was lost from his memory and phone.

i waited.
i waited.
i waited.

while i waited i watched porn. i hadn’t seen porn since i watched a really bad one with R. i knew when it was well past noon and heading towards 1:00pm that this call was not going to happen so i had to take matters into my own hands or hand to be specific. i shoved my vibrator down my panties and nestled it against my clit. i was soaking wet and i needed to come. i rubbed and pressed, rubbed and pressed. hoping with an ounce of hope that my phone would ring and i would be coming in his ear within seconds.

i pushed and slid the vibrator against my clit and without much warning i erupted crying out to the world pleading for a God. i panted and pressed the vibrator again forcing myself to come again and again.

it wasn’t the best nooner i have had but i couldn’t waste it once the flood gates were opened.

i love looking back on a past weekend and thinking about the things we do. it always puts a smile on my face. i will remember a sentence, a word, a sound or a touch. several times this week it lead to the uncontrollably need to come. i enjoy the fact that my cunt is ruling me because for those moments i know how a guy thinks when lead by his appendage (it’s that always?).

it’s his touch that sends me nerve endings singing down to the inner depths of my core. anyone could touch my arm or back and it would be a normal touch. it’s when HE touches any part of me that makes it feel like instant foreplay and i want him to fuck me to exhaustion.

when we kissed last weekend, it was intense and teeth were scraping against it each other as we tried to devour one another with our hungry mouths. those moments of grabbing, biting and desperate need that make me want to come begging for him to fuck me.

the mind is a terrible thing to waste.

since i just ended my night with a self induced orgasm, i noticed lately when masturbating that i can only have one orgasm at a time. if i try for a second one immediately after, i get this plateau feeling. i used to be able to rack them out up past ten in well under five minutes. i wonder if it’s because i don’t masturbate as obsessively as i used to due to saving it up for my weekend sins. either way, it’s frustrating to actually have to wait a few minutes to get a proper orgasm. maybe i need to go back to masturbating excessively to get back into the swing of things since my sex drive seems to be on the rise again. ahh the joys of hormones and aging.

now i am thinking about one day being a cougar that is not into younger boys but the older ones. i don’t know the term and for some reason i probably don’t want to know it, so don’t tell me. i will just continue to enjoy my time with the older boys and call it a day.

note: HOWEVER, i do not seem to have a problem with multiple orgasms when i have a physical partner. it’s just the solo act that is baffling me at the moment. now i am thinking i might need to go back to phone sex because that always seem to do the trick of self inflicted multiple orgasms.

yes, i am up late. yes, this is a ramble. yes, i will end this now.